Renewed by Light

July is here! That means I have about 60 days to be ready. Less than that to have all my funds together. Holy cow.

I’m much calmer today than I was most of this week. I haven’t been eating or sleeping properly because I’m worried, stressed, and scared. My head is full of to-dos and I’m so, so anxious. There is some positive news: I sold my guitar, I signed up for a spot at a church flea market for some of my other things, and I sent out my fundraising video.

Things left to do: buy a plane ticket, sell my car, pay down more debt, and talk with some family members who don’t use social media.

I’m nervous about the talking to family part. I’m not super close to the ones I need to talk to and it’s been a while since I spoke to them or saw them. I feel guilty asking for financial help as the reason I’m reconnecting. But I could also look at it as a chance to reconnect period. Just talk to them and catch up on life. Yay, uncomfortable things I have to do.

Anyway, I signed up for a six-week group this week and part of the discussion and sermon video we watched really helped me. The subject this week was about comparison leading to discontentment and how to combat that with Jesus’ help. This scripture stood out to me for a few reasons:

“I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want. I can do all this through him who gives me strength.”

Philippians 4:12-13

The point made was what struck me: until all you have is Jesus, you won’t realize he’s all you need. In lieu of my situation and how I’ve been feeling, I needed that perspective. I have Jesus and that’s more than enough. All my anxiety over this mission trip needs to be let go.

I’m getting there. Work in progress, coming through!