Storm front

Fear is the opposite of security.

I’ve been reading a Bible plan about worry. The usual Scriptures are in there: Matthew 6:25-34 (“do not worry about tomorrow”), Proverbs 3:5-6 (“trust in the Lord, lean not on your understanding”), 1 Peter 5:7 (“give God your worries because he cares for you”). But there was a devotional a few days ago that really struck me.

“Don’t worry about anything; instead, pray about everything…His peace will guard your hearts and minds as you live in Christ Jesus.” Philippians 4:6-7

The devotional talked about what having peace of mind from God actually means. It’s being given the strength to still take action and brave risk despite the presence of fear. It is not about making the worry/fear disappear, but being able to handle it; standing calm in the face of a storm.

As you can imagine, trying to fundraise and spread the word is very stressful. Worry has become my normal lately, but I know that’s not how God wants me to approach this process. This time is about trust. About relying on his strength and provision. I remember how he’s helped me when things looked bleak. When I felt like “there’s no way,” the way always showed up. That his calmness covered my concerns. The boat might rock to and fro but it won’t sink.

I’m facing this coming week with this perspective and it’s changing everything. The restlessness I was having is settling down and I’m taking my journey a step at a time. As I keep praying and reading Scripture, I’m gaining confidence in God’s process. He is the Creator, after all. He knows how this all works.

Edit: One of my goals with this blog is to be real with you guys. You came for the genuine article, not pretty words that look good, right?

I’m feeling rocked by the waves. Hard. I want to say that I remembered this devotional and read it over again to encourage my floundering spirit. Nope. Just went straight to freak-out mode. Had a 20-minute rant-prayer to God about what I’m feeling, what I fear isn’t happening, the paranoias about how things are going to turn out. What is plan B? Do I need to wait another year? God what are you doing?! Help me understand my crazy up and down emotions right now! Argh!

I want to trust, but I don’t. I’m human after all. Things that are out of my control scare me. I’m also drained from my day, which doesn’t help my emotional state to stabilize either. I will continue to pray and fight this drowning feeling I have, but it’s really getting hard to breathe.

 

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