I’m not a fan of patience. I don’t know a lot of people who are. I’m so used to instant gratification that anything that takes longer than I expect it to makes me antsy. Especially if I’m not able to control the outcome and I really, really want it to happen. Like this mission.
I have to wait for my donation totals to be put together. Thing is, I can’t buy my airplane ticket until I know I have enough support committed to stay. My total budget is $1700, but I need $1000 to go ahead with a ticket. I’m at maybe 30% of what I need for the ticket right now. But I don’t know for certain because the report I have isn’t up to date. Argh! Then factor in that I have 4 weeks before I’m trying to leave, and I’m totally frustrated.
I’m fighting to trust God in this today. I had to go outside in humid 94 degree soup this afternoon to pray. I asked if I’m really supposed to do this. That inner nudge was there. Yes. Then I said thank you for everything he’s already done and prayed for greater faith in his way, his timing. I prayed through my fear and anxiety and impatience. I asked to just believe he would make things work. At the end, I had calmed down and took a deep breath.
Hours later, I’m trying not to let the uncertainty overwhelm me again. It sucks not knowing. Really sucks. I’m going to try to get some sleep and hopefully wake up with a refreshed perspective. This is the valley part of my journey I don’t like. These are growing pains and refining fires. In the midst of it, I feel so helpless, but Jesus is with me. Jesus is with me. I had the faith to start, I have to trust him to work out the finish line. Okay, God. Do your thing.