Twenty days until I get on the plane. There’s a lot of emotions that I’m not sure how to process yet. I’m anxious about leaving home and being on my own. I’m a bit concerned about how people there will receive me. I’m nervous about communicating daily with kids who don’t know English. And whether I will be speaking to their parents as well. (I’ve never been good at that in my own language, much less Polish.)
There’s also the great unknown of moving your entire life to a foreign country for a year to serve God’s purpose that isn’t completely laid out yet. The only certainty I have right now is “go.”
I suppose it’s exciting. This is an adventure as much as it’s a risk. All possibilities are open right now. But it’s kind of terrifying that all possibilities are open, too. I anticipated difficulties. I’m going through some before I’ve even got a bag packed. Funding obstacles, family relationship troubles, self-doubt tied to both these things…it feeds into the part of missions and risk-taking that requires one to lean hard on God’s mercy and sovereignty. He’s driving this train toward the right destination, so I just gotta hold on. He knows how the tracks have to twist and turn to make it. Doesn’t mean I’m not still clinging for dear life to my seat, though.
If my posts seem redundant, it’s because I constantly need to remind myself of this: God knows. I’m in the midst of transition, and it’s frustrating, stressful, and just plain hard. There’s joy in knowing that I’m going, that I’m really taking a great leap toward my devotion to Christ. But really, I’m worried, too. I can tell because I haven’t had a full night’s restful sleep in weeks. My soul feels unsettled.
Then Jesus said, “Come to me, all of you who are weary and carry heavy burdens, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you. Let me teach you, because I am humble and gentle at heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy to bear, and the burden I give you is light.”
Matthew 11:28-30 NLT
This verse came to mind. I know it’s exactly what I need to do this week. Breathe and be still in him. Amen.